I had a great time yesterday but the aftereffects are like hounds waiting to pounce on freshly cut animal flesh. The incessant iterations of judging my every move, every word and every laugh while having fun with my colleagues are making me more pathetic than I ever was. Smiling at my own reflection is the toughest thing right now, nothing is making me fee comfortable in my own skin. I don’t even know what was wrong, my childish behavior, my desire to be likeable, my cautiousness on not being stupid or my interaction with them. The desire to rip apart my skin and take out the negative feelings at such elevated levels is something I had never experienced. I don’t feel like going to work but loads of work.

Can I get a day off to paint my mask and be pretty again?




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